Who loves #Oprah? "I do! I do!" #OprahLifeClass team sent me an email this morning, inviting me to start my life-class. I answered the questions and loved it. Your Life Class assignments are private, but I thought this was so interesting, that I'm sharing it with you.
Oprah's Life Class today is on Guilt. Rut-ro. So how do I feel about it? I rarely feel guilt. I mostly feel guilty for not feeling guilty... ;-) ha, ha... but seriously, being rasied on heavy doses of Catholic guilt, when I grew up, I short-circuited guilt tripping and replaced it with more honesty and personal respect. Guilt can only motivate for a short time -- so I looked deeply into guilt and a loooong time ago realized it's just a trigger for better managing personal responsibility.
(1) Why do you feel like you have done or are doing something wrong? I rarely feel that way. Do you feel that there's truth to why you should feel guilty? Rarely. Have you been telling yourself the same "guilty" story for a long time? Oh, God, no. I change my guilty stories out regularly to avoid boredom...seriously, I do. I thrive on new stories, so I change it up. This year, I mostly feel guilty about not working enough and not creating enough opportunities for myself and others. I know the world is in a huge transition and I know I'm on the cusp of my biggest contribution.
(2) Is there a theme to the guilt that you feel? (For example, maybe you feel like you're not a good daughter, mother, wife, friend.)
Mostly, that I'm not creating enough opportunities for others. That is the guilt bearing nag who pushes me into the world.
(3) What would it take for you to stop feeling guilty? Are you looking for acceptance, for people to love you? What do you need to let go of (or say to someone or yourself) to move forward?
What would it take? Today I would guess that it would take being at the helm of creating thousands of purposeful, well-paying jobs, careers, life purpose businesses to the people and places that really need them.
(4) Do you feel guilty in most situations—as if you should always be somewhere else, doing more? Not in most situations, but in a few. Right now, choose to be in the present moment. How does it feel? Peaceful. And if you don't like that choice, why? I do like my choice.
Right now, if feels pretty good b/c this week I paid 10 people to work in the jobs that they really want to work in. #Inspiring!!!
(5) Is your guilt related to a bad decision you made? No. I see life as a system that I keep learning how to work in, and re-create as a system that works for me and the people I love. What did you do? Nothing. How can you find a way to forgive yourself for what you did or failed to do? For me, forgiveness for myself and others comes from examining an entire system, changing out the parts of the system that don't work - and not blaming any one individual. Blaming one individual is an inaccurate view of the world.
(6) Do you feel guilty about not sticking to a diet? Hahahaa!!! No way! Or avoiding the gym? How can shifting your outlook change the way you feel (say, choosing not to deprive yourself but instead eating healthfully)? Would that get rid of the guilt?
Diet -- rarely. I used to be "98 lbs of scary skinny" or a "bag of bones" as many people said - and I paid the health consequences of that. So I don't care about "weight" , I mostly care about optimum health.
Gym -- no, b/c it's boring. I like to find other ways to stay fit.
Gym -- no, b/c it's boring. I like to find other ways to stay fit.
(7) Are you always taking care of others because you feel guilty putting yourself first? In other words, are you a people pleaser? When was the last time you said yes but you really wanted to say no?
No. I take care of others because that drive is deep in my genetic coding, and deep in my bones as to what it means to be a full, alive, happy human being. And because I can.
No, not a people pleaser, just a very generous, purposeful person who sometimes over works.
No, not a people pleaser, just a very generous, purposeful person who sometimes over works.
Last time I said yes when I wanted to say no? Two nights ago to giving an intern an opportunity. I was realllllly tired and he called sooooo late at night. I said yes even though I wanted to say "no" and it turned out fine...lol... so it's not always a bad thing to say "yes" when you feel like you want to say "no." That is insightful to learn, maybe being realllllly tired is not the best time to answer the phone, so thank you for that prompt, Oprah Life Class. ;-)
(8) Next time you're in a similar situation, say no. How does it feel? I feel relief, actually.
Always feels powerful to keep myself on track. Keeps me connected to my real reason for being on the earth. I've cultivated very gracious ways of saying no - by understanding the LONG and DEEP and COMPLETE impact of tiny decisions, I can usually keep myself on track. And I know it's also better for others if I say "no" b/c then it gives the opportunity to serve someone else.
For me, the power to say "no" depends on great personal clarity. If things are moving too fast, or a lot of people are asking for my time, or emotional things are happening, or if I am still in denial of how long it takes to get from one enf of Los Angeles to the other -- then I lose the clarity to say "sorry, can't be there, can't do that, etc."
(9) Take a step back from your feelings for a moment: Do you make others feel guilty? Whom will you stop treating in this way?
Wellll, first let me say, guilt isn't always unproductive. Sometimes people who are waaaay down the ladder of responsibility and productivity can use a little reminder of how awesome life can be if they step up to their responsibilities. A tiny dose of guilt, conscioulsy and craftily applied can be helpful, funny, inspiring and create a friendly bond. When asked, I'm happy to light a fire under a friend's butt. I don't consciously make others feel guilty, but I don't have any children yet either. Hahaha....that might change if I have children. In my life now, I try my best not to make others feel guilty and do my best to communicate in a way that gives them the option to gracefully say no -- and if I do make someone feel guilty, I hope that person would tell me so I can repair the situation.
Thanks to Oprah's Life Class team -- that was fun! :-))
And if you read all the way to the end -- here's your reward! Stand up and dance to "Firework
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